He tells me a thing difficult to hear. But essential. And correct. It feels true–so I do not cry. And I am not scared. He’s sitting there, one particular leg crossed more than the other, eyes seeing me and searching into a location deeper nevertheless. The space, very simple and sparsely decorated. Two polyesters covered chairs exactly where we sit, by the window. A glass of water on a compact round table close to the wall. A desk piled with books. A calendar. A personal computer monitor. Trusting God to give wisdom, reveal what I am truly saying.
We meet for an hour every single month. A fifteen-minute bike ride from my property, by way of the tiny downtown and up a winding hill as well steep for me to bike all the way up I need to dismount my bike and stroll. Oaktree leaves and acorns litter the road. October in northern California displaying off in its scrumptious autumn glory: wealthy orange leaves crunching beneath feet, squirrels scampering more than tree limbs, birds singing as well higher for me to see.
Two years ago I spent a weekend right here for a solitary and silent retreat. Now I come right here to sit with Father Chi for spiritual path. A coming collectively to seek God, to pursue life’s mysteries I would otherwise not start to fully grasp.
And right here is exactly where I understand the worth of study, of contemplation, of consideration of the deeper meanings for why we consider and really feel and go by way of life the way we do. Right here is one particular revelation: We know we are loved. Or we think we are not. We think we are broken–and completely entire, by way of Jesus, in that brokenness. Or we think we are flawed and unfixable, unreachable, a hopeless case.
I share with Father Chi how poetry, the writing of it in the early mornings, is assisting me engage with God. When I create, I surrender my heart and thoughts to Him, trusting that what words come–what pictures surface that I want to attempt to express–reveal hidden areas in my heart that would be otherwise undiscoverable, unknown. Writing poetry assists me companion with God in discerning to me my heart.
And it is a heart that is complex. Nevertheless in need to have of healing. Nevertheless in need to have of grace. By way of poetry, lies I think are revealed–lies I believed I had currently completely dealt with and surrendered. Wounds are felt, wounds self-inflicted and wounds inflicted by other folks. I inform Father Chi how, when the poetry writing is helpful–and interesting–in revealing these deeper areas inside me that need to have healing, I really feel powerless as well. Immediately after the words are out on the web page, I do not know what to do with them. I worth them for the revelation they bring, but I struggle to engage with the truth they reveal. They are poems I have written but but do not completely fully grasp what they are attempting to say.
And this is why poetry writing is just the beginning–the starting of a journey of searching deeper, with God, at what He is saying to your heart.
Father Chi appears at me, brown eyes deeply earnest and sort, and tells me the writing of the poetry is just the starting of a journey with God. It is a step. 1 step. It is not the journey itself. To cease there and consider that writing is the connection, the prayer, the engagement with God, is an incomplete exchange. In our poem writing, He is communicating to us deeper truths about our hearts that we can decide on to ignore or we can decide on to uncover. Letting the words sit there upon the web page is not going to do any very good. It is letting your heart study the words–letting them speak to you, letting God decipher the poem’s which means for you–that fulfills the exchange.
“Go deeper–deeper into the mystery of His appreciate. The poems are an entryway to this mystery. Float inside these encounters with God. The memories, the experiences you create about are entryways to the additional of God’s appreciate He desires to share with you, appropriate now.”
Father Chi, Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos
The poems, I recognize, are not for me to figure out. Rather, they are material God desires to use to speak to about my heart, the lies I think, the wounds that nevertheless need to have healing, the truth of how I see the globe, other persons, and Him.
For instance, right here is a poem I wrote this week:
There is a lot I can inform you about this poem–the memory it represents, the deeper wounding and healing, the shame.
For me to create this poem I had to keep present. I had to let my heart really feel. I had to let my thoughts connect with my heart. And rather than psychoanalyzing myself and attempting to figure out the themes this poem is addressing (while I absolutely can–and I have a lot I could say), that is not my point. Writing a poem is only portion of the present God is providing you. It is the wrapping paper on the present. The additional considerable present is your connecting with God about what He is displaying you–about Him, about oneself, about the prospective for wholeness and higher healing.
Immediately after writing a poem, appear at it let oneself really feel the weight of it and then give it to God. Right here are some queries to ask Him following you create a poem:
- What do You want me to see?
- What do You what me to hear?
- What are You displaying me, telling me?
- In what way are You addressing the demands of my heart?
- What do You have for me?
- What healing are You supplying me, especially?
- What is one particular step I can take now in response?
When we sit with God and open our heart to hear Him speak, we may well locate our minds filled with memories of a previous wound–memories of a thing we did or a thing that was accomplished to us. Can you consider attempting to express this memory in words?
But when you sit with Him He may well show you an image that is not associated to a wound at all. Any moment, any practical experience, any believed can be the starting of a conversation–the material of a poem–with Him.
In what ever path God or Jesus or Holy Spirit guides you (do you know who is speaking to your heart as you listen?) do your most effective to express it. Create down specifics of the scene–what you hear and see and tangibly really feel. But also show your feelings. This does not have to be overt–try to show it by way of ideas and pictures and clues. What I imply is, you do not have to create out each detail of the practical experience. Give a snapshot. But then go deeper. Then deeper nevertheless.
And then, when you are accomplished writing, take a appear at what you have written. Study it aloud to oneself. Let the words pour out more than your heart. Are the words correct? Can you make them truer? When you study the words you have written, are you in a position to be present to your feelings in the scene?
Lastly, take these words to the Father. Let your poem be the entryway for your prayer, an entryway to engaging with God. He has a lot to say to our hearts. Let’s listen. Let’s pause. Let’s create. Let’s ask Him what it all indicates and what He has for us to do subsequent.
So, this week, in the comments right here, and/or in the private Loop Poetry Project Facebook group, share your poem that is written following you sit, for at least a couple of minutes, in the presence of God. And then, use this poem as your prayer. What is He saying? What additional does He have for you, His beloved, appropriate now?
Think about the poem, “When I Met Her,” that I shared with you right here. When I let that be the starting of a conversation with Him, I give Him access to my heart. In return, I get wholeness. I get appreciate. I get Him.
Try to remember the encouragement of Father Chi: Let our poems be the entryway for our prayers. There is a lot to practical experience as we encounter the mystery of God. Can you consider your personal poetry as the entryway to experiencing it? Inform me. I cannot wait to hear.
This post appeared initially at jenniferjcamp.com