TLDR: ought to I attempt and think in God to get me via a difficult time in my life? I do not want to use and think in him in a selfish manner, I want to Attempt and think in him once again , and see exactly where it requires me. (I would appreciate if you study the complete post because I vented and I want folks to listen to me and definitely feel about what I’m saying). Thank you.
As the title states, I’m at a incredibly pivotal point in my life ideal now, a incredibly critical 1. I have shitted on God this previous year when the years prior to this 1, I nevertheless didn’t think in him but I didn’t insult him… just in case… effectively.. you know. But I have insulted it/him simply because I have asked for indicators from him and by no means received something… I’ve felt suicidal this year when I by no means definitely ever felt that way.. and I asked for him to assist me and I didn’t get something, I didn’t hear him or speak to him or see him close to me.
I’m an intelligent individual and I have realised if God existed he would not be offended at my words simply because.. effectively… I am him and he is me. He understands me superior than I do myself, if he is true. He understands my mindset and my anxiousness and my depression and my worries and my anger to him… simply because he is me. Punishing me simply because of my (a fairly short-term 1) mindset would imply him punishing himself. He is me. For that reason he knows I’m a very good loving caring individual if you are like such to me, and if he exists he knows this about me. I know he would not punish me and I’ve by no means definitely been worried lately about anything like that because I realised this incredibly critical thought. The truth he is me, so he understands me, he knows there’s no evil in my thoughts ideal now, and he knows my future and my previous and my present, and the very same goes for everyone else on this earth.
If he exists I assure to myself he will not punish anyone, even somebody like Hitler, simply because we all have very good and negative inside of us. Hitler had a wife, he cared about somebody, he likely loved her as well. God would realize Hitler’s mindset as effectively, this universe is subjective to every single of us and we are influenced by folks each and every single day and most folks do not notice, but they do… influences alter our mindsets and our lifestyles. And I could bring the thought of a number of lives and getting to encounter a lot of them in order for our souls to progress and grow to be wiser, as a result getting to reside all through unique folks in unique lifetimes and unique mindsets from unique cultural backgrounds and unique beliefs – which is so important in understanding each and every individual on Earth and why they operate the way they operate. Anyway, I just wanted to rant for a bit and get that shit out my thoughts. That was 1 subject.
The 1 I had in thoughts prior to generating this post was if I ought to Attempt and think in God once again. I’ve experimented with what my mindset would be like if I did think in him or attempted to.. and the mindset offers me so considerably self-assurance, it tends to make me fearless to each and every single individual I encounter, it tends to make me even a lot more intelligent, I feel clearer and superior all round, i do not have as considerably brain fog any longer. But deep down I know this is likely a powerful placebo. My family members is somewhat Christian and they have been because I was tiny and they haven’t pushed something upon me, they taught me a lot of very good items and to formulate my personal beliefs, suggestions, and opinions about every little thing, and to not be a sheep and adhere to every little thing everyone else does, and I’m grateful for that, simply because that external INFLUENCE (which I talked about) played I feel a huge aspect in shaping my character currently. I’m so fucking socially anxious each and every day and I get intimidated by everyone so simply.. even if in public I’m exceptionally very good at hiding it. I have such low self esteem and pondering about my beloved caring God offers me beauty in my life, I tune into the mindset (each and every time I feel about God) to the 1 I had when I was tiny and believed in him, I’m speaking single digit age. Since I constantly felt so content and secure believing in god when I was tiny. Practically nothing scared me, I glowed, I was bubbly, charismatic and well known wherever I went simply because of my self-assurance and ‘knowing’ there was somebody watching more than me and there would be absolutely nothing and no one to be afraid of.
Now I’m older (17M) and I’ve grow to be way a lot more intelligent (of course) and I know the dangers of falling into a delusion, I’ve skilled delusions in the previous couple of years like delusions of reference. But that is the point, I do not want it to be a delusion. It would be hard for somebody to know that they are getting delusional and fall into it realizing all along they are delusional, but for me it is not hard at all. So that is a trap for me, I have to attempt and make myself think in a God, to have faith, I know the traps of delusions. I could think anything was a delusion and nevertheless think in it, pushing the believed of it getting a delusion to the back of my head and reside my life by tuning my vibration and frequency to my then-transformed belief method. Extremely equivalent to how the law of attraction functions. But anyways I do not want to be selfish and think in god just to get me via this hard time, that is not ideal, that’d be making use of him and I do not want to use him in that manner, selfishly, I want to attempt and think and open my heart to him. I have a lot of sins which are nowhere negative as other people’s, im a very good, funny, loving and caring guy but my sins are as tiny as smoking cigarettes, swearing, and judging folks silently (which I have my motives for). And I will not attempt and alter something like that if I really feel it is not important, simply because like I stated previously, God would realize me fully, he is me and I am him. He would not judge me, simply because he would be judging himself.
This was a huge fucking lengthy study and I appreciate it if you study every little thing, I think I have some believed provoking suggestions and I necessary to create a lot to vent and get this stuff off my thoughts. Thanks once again❤️