tl;dr Feminine greatest pal has been my pal, old flame, and principally a motherly determine. We have dated, damaged up and in some way ended up in the identical scenario once more. No concept what to do now.
In it is core it is a typical “man fell in love together with his greatest feminine pal” sort of story, besides this time I am really writing a number of years after I confessed my emotions to her. Issues have not gone terribly south, issues have not gone fairy story manner both. Really we have cycled via the entire spectrum and we’re proper again the place it began. Now I can not even comprehend what sort of scenario I am in and do not know what to do subsequent.
To begin off, a little bit background of how it began. We had been classmates and finally bought alongside collectively rather well, turned associates. My introverted self felt surprisingly snug with discussing my deepest emotions, private and intimate concepts together with her and it felt mutual. This made us even nearer after my mother died once I was 16 and had hassle determining life om its personal. She helped me immensely to get via this case and have become one thing like a motherly determine. I imply I might nonetheless focus on issues with my dad, however he is extra of a technical downside fixing sort. Getting emotional help was one thing I outsourced to my feminine associates.
Quick ahead a number of years and I spotted I felt one thing particular in the direction of a girl for the primary time in my life. Typically I used to be comparatively late to the “women chasing membership” as a result of I’ve by no means actually had the interior motivation up till then. That was the invention of real love for me.
Finally I advised her about my emotions and found it was mutual however she was (and nonetheless is) hesitant about comitted relationships. We had been within the ambivalent stage of courting however probably not collectively which lasted manner longer than it ought to, one thing like 6 months. We have hit all-time low and in some way managed to construct up our friendship again collectively to the “pre-love state”.
We’re at the moment learning at completely different universities in the identical metropolis. Our friendship works beneath the premise I’ve set to myself, limiting contact together with her, restraining my hopes. Everytime I believe it is alright and that I am over her, we exit and I am again at it with previous emotions. I do know she goes out with different guys, discovering new individuals, whereas I’ve met and talked to actually 1 new lady this semester (learning CS + being fairly delinquent and non-communicative). On prime of that I’m totally sceptical when assembly new individuals, noone sparked my romantic curiosity as a result of it is nonetheless her on the prime of my checklist of grestest women (and other people on the whole). Worst factor it typically she’s flirty, we have kissed held fingers for the reason that “breakup”, different instances she’s extra reserved and distant.
To sum up, it is a bizarre expertise for each of us, she’s principally been my pal, stepmom, crush and amlost a companion sooner or later. What stays now’s that she’s my greatest and closest pal and I can not actually think about simply letting the entire friendship go. I really feel egocentric and shitty and unhappy about this complete scenario.
Is it potential to be on this state of ambivalence for lengthy durations of time and be okay? I discover myself creepy and unhealthly obsessed as a result of I can not seem to distance myself from this individual. Then again it is diffcult to speak in confidence to new individuals whereas having this handy, already built-up deep reference to somebody who is sort of excellent in your eyes. Can you’re keen on somebody new whereas having a stronger reference to another person?
Thanks in case you bought this far. I have not seen an analogous story in my fast search and wanted to materialize my ideas. If you happen to’ve ever been in an analogous scenario, what have you ever executed?
Lastly I apologize for bizarre wording, spelling and so forth. Not a local speaker.