Sherri Gragg, Author’s Digest award winner and writer of Arms Open Broad: A Name to Linger in The Savior’s Presence, continues the story of taking her daughter to school.
An Emotional Goodbye From Mom to Daughter
The door to her dorm room closed gently behind us as Meg took a deep breath and turned to face me.
“Properly…bye,” she stated.
She was proper. This was it. There have been no extra affordable excuses to delay, actually not any that might enable me to return house with any dignity left intact.
I reached out and pulled her, maybe somewhat bit too tightly, into my arms. I buried my face into her neck, whispered how a lot I cherished her, after which…I let her go.
I blinked again tears, stepped again, took her fingers in mine, and stated, “You’ll be okay.”
She appeared into my eyes for a protracted second, smiled after which stated quietly, “So are you.”
“Oh, yeah, I do know,” I lied.
I lied like a canine.
I gave her one final courageous smile after which made a touch for the elevator earlier than I made a scene neither of us needed to endure.
I believed that was robust.
However nothing might have ready me for strolling again into our house with out her.
As my mom stated to me later that afternoon, “Now comes the laborious half.”
She wasn’t kidding. I do know it sounds dramatic, I actually do, however I felt like some important a part of me had been amputated. I felt like I used to be going to die.
Discovering God’s Ever-Altering Provisions
The grief I felt upon arriving house with out Meghan was so highly effective, so tangible, that it had a clarifying impact on me. Abruptly, I noticed that God had one thing vital to say to me in the course of it.
In 1 Peter 2:11, Peter calls His fellow believers “sojourners,” those that are on a journey to their true heavenly house. It’s a tough reality that for a few of us, this journey received’t all the time be by verdant, shady oases. A few of us will discover that the bottom grows rocky because the light canopies overhead skinny after which disappear to permit the solar to beat down upon us. Cool streams of abundance that when bubbled alongside our approach gradual to a trickle after which disappear fully till we discover ourselves in a spot of barrenness and wish the place have been are totally dependent upon God’s merciful provision day after day. We name this place…the wilderness.
Israel wandered in simply such a wilderness for forty years. I’ve been there, to the Wilderness of Zin. The cliffs stand up on both facet of the gorge the place, at occasions, a skinny trickle of a spring carves its path down by the middle. There are patches of vegetation right here and there, however the floor’s floor is primarily mud, sand, and rock which displays the white sizzling warmth of the solar which glares down relentlessly overhead. It’s austere and weary- hardly a spot of affordable survival for a mess for even a number of days, a lot much less for forty years. But, survive, is simply what Israel did. She survived day-to-day, 12 months after 12 months, receiving her provision from the very Hand of God…
The pillar of fireplace.
Water from dry and not possible locations.
Manna morning by morning.
Your eyes ought to by no means be fastened upon the present, however upon the Hand which supplies it.
On the morning after I dropped Meghan off on the College of Tennessee and walked into my quiet kitchen to face the data that Meg wouldn’t, actually, shuffle sleepily in any second to feed the canine, I got here to a realization: my children had been the manna in my very own wilderness – a protracted, seemingly by no means ending journey of deeply private sorrow that stretched years behind me and from which it appeared there would by no means be any finish. Many days alongside my wilderness journey, I had needed to cease strolling however then… God would elevate my eyes to my children and I might discover in them the braveness to maintain placing one foot in entrance of the opposite.
On a sorrowful journey, my youngsters had been my each day provision of pleasure and braveness offered to me straight from the Father’s Hand.
And now, out of the blue, that provision had been diminished by a fifth.
As I floor the espresso and heated the water for my morning cup, I confronted a terrifying truth- my manna would preserve shrinking over the following few years as every of the youngsters left house in speedy succession.
“What on earth will I do then?” I requested God.
Listening to God’s Voice in Occasions of Loss
I completed pouring my espresso and went out to take a seat on the entrance porch swing. My coronary heart felt heavy, as if a big stone had turn out to be lodged within the middle of my chest. Tears stuffed my eyes as I appeared up on the giant oak tree in my entrance yard, the highest branches softly swaying within the early morning breeze.
And that’s when God gently whispered deep in my soul: Oh, how simple it’s to make idols out of provision, daughter. Your eyes ought to by no means be fastened upon the present, however upon the Hand which supplies it. Your provision would possibly change, youngster, however your Supplier stays the identical.
Then, like a slideshow in my thoughts’s eye, reminiscences flashed of the folks of religion gone lengthy earlier than. I noticed Eve attain for the forbidden fruit although she was surrounded by abundance. I noticed an Israelite lady on the Sabbath scurry from her tent early within the morning to assemble manna in useless. God had given her a double portion the day earlier than so she might relaxation that Sabbath morning, however her concern of want drove her from her tent with the rising solar.
I noticed Israel enter the promised land, given to her by the God Who redeemed her from slavery, solely to bow all the way down to Baal, the pagan god of the dew and the rain, within the hope that he would make their crops prosper.
On a sorrowful journey, my youngsters had been my each day provision of pleasure…
It appeared my weak point, that of turning into extra depending on my provision than my Supplier, was one which was solely painfully too widespread.
Giving Again to The God Who Sees You
The porch swing rocked gently backwards and forwards as I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and returned my youngsters, all of my youngsters, again to the Father.
After which I thanked Him for reminding me that although His provision for me would possibly change, His Hand would by no means be empty because it reaches for me.
Not way back, as I used to be studying Jesus Calling, I got here throughout the story of one other lady in her personal wilderness, a girl who felt determined and alone. Her title was Hagar, and she or he was a slave.
Genesis 16 tells us the exceptional story of how she entered a barren place of crushing want and got here nose to nose with God. Her title for Him? “Beer-lahai-roi”
The God who sees me.
Are you within the wilderness right this moment? Does your wilderness, like mine, stretch years behind you? Does it appear it’s going to by no means finish? Your God stays Beer-lahai-roi, The God who sees you. Although His provision for you could change alongside the best way, His Palms won’t ever be empty as they attain for you.