I (21m) might have been in an abusive relationship with my ex (21f) with out realising, wished to know what you guys suppose : relationships


So final 12 months I used to be dumped by my ex with mainly no closure and little or no honesty, I am not gonna lie it was devastating on the time and even now I get a vaguely sick feeling in my abdomen each time somebody mentions her, regardless of not really having a want to get again along with her or something.

After speaking with just a few buddies about it and remembering again to the time we had been relationship (a couple of 12 months) I realised that the connection really felt pretty abusive, I hoped it wasn’t simply me being subconsciously salty over a breakup although.

For context, we began relationship after my first relationship ended badly and instantly it felt like we had been soul mates. We spent as a lot time collectively as attainable, shared pursuits, all of it.

After my first breakup I used to be going out clubbing with buddies from work as typically as I may and ended up bonding with one woman who was buddies with my coworker and who occurred to have been dumped across the identical time. After getting drunk at a home occasion we began to make out and had a minor hookup (blowjob, nothing extra). Whereas we did care about one another there was nothing else to it, no romantic emotions or something. Once I ultimately met my ex on tinder (the one this publish is about) we had been speaking about sexual historical past/previous relationships/and many others and I discussed the woman I might connected with and that we had been nonetheless buddies however nothing extra.

Ultimately my ex turned actually clingy, like if I used to be out with buddies I might must spend the entire time messaging her as a result of she’d be continuously messaging me and getting mad/passive aggressive if I did not reply fast sufficient. If there was any likelihood of ladies being round she’d be even worse, and if there have been individuals from work she’d all the time ask if the woman I might connected with was gonna be there. Apparently her earlier relationships (She mentioned she’d been in 5) all resulted in dishonest and/or abuse so I gave her the good thing about the doubt and assumed she simply did not need historical past repeating itself.

It obtained actually unhealthy once I began having to keep away from individuals and minimize ties with some purely as a result of I could not cope with the backlash from her realizing I might frolicked with them, and he or she would ALWAYS ask “what are you as much as?” to which I may both lie and threat her discovering out afterwards, or inform her after which must spend the entire time proving to her that I wasn’t dishonest (be mindful I by no means as soon as cheated or gave any impression that I’d)

She additionally turned more and more disapproving of my different buddies, female and male. As soon as I used to be handing out resumes and a lady I knew from work was in the identical purchasing centre and tagged alongside, when my ex discovered she was all “you do not want her there although” (should you’re questioning why I even advised her within the first place, like I mentioned I used to be afraid of her discovering out later and accusing me of hiding it from her). It would not assist that on the time my pal was in a depressed section and would message me generally simply to speak (it was by no means something greater than as buddies although) however each time she would and my ex noticed her message pop up on my telephone she’d say “what does she need?”.

Every time I’d go consuming the identical form of factor would occur, I might must spend the entire time messaging her. She all the time mentioned it was trigger she was simply actually apprehensive about me getting harm. However one evening, out of the blue she advised me she was going to be spending the evening at her cousin’s earlier than ignoring me for many of the evening, till about 1am when her cousin referred to as me from her telephone saying my ex had drunk an excessive amount of and needed to go to hospital. After not with the ability to sleep the remainder of the evening I finally referred to as her once more the following morning and he or she was wonderful, apparently she’d been allowed to go dwelling the evening earlier than however for some purpose did not suppose it was essential to let me know she was alright. (My level is think about if the roles had been reversed)

After just a few months when issues appeared regular once more she turned increasingly more distant till I introduced it up and he or she mentioned we wanted to interrupt up whereas she targeted on remedy and fixing herself. Then after blocking me on every part besides textual content and sustaining the identical story I finally discovered she was in a brand new relationship a month later. I nonetheless don’t know what the issue was or why I wasn’t adequate for her, or on the very least why I did not even deserve closure.

So in any case that, I wished to listen to some goal opinions on the matter. Was it abuse or am I simply being delicate? Blissful to reply any questions.

Tl/Dr: ex girlfriend was tremendous clingy and I am attempting to determine if it counts as abuse, since I did not consider it that means on the time


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