I’ll start with some background: I’ve (22M) been in 2 relationships that the majority would deem critical in my lifetime.
My first started after I was 15 and carried on till I used to be 18. I felt, on the time, that I actually did love that woman, we’ll name her Rachel. We grew up collectively, spent most of our free time collectively, and so forth. Nonetheless, because of her infidelity in direction of the top of the connection, it was greatest we each went our separate methods.
2 years later, I met one other girl named Hannah. She is among the sweetest, most actual individuals I’ve ever met. Finally, we started relationship and spending all of our free time collectively. It was all sunshine and rainbows for a yr or so.
Nonetheless, over the course of this yr, any time I’d return from faculty to my hometown Rachel would attain out. It was harmless sufficient at first. However every time a boundary could be pushed it received increasingly more troublesome not to consider her.
A yr in to my relationship with Hannah, I cracked. I agreed to seize a chew to eat with Rachel, and inside an hour of her choosing me up we had been having intercourse in her automotive. I nonetheless really feel sick fascinated with that second looking back. Sitting right here penning this, it appears fully illogical to betray somebody like Hannah that may do something for me. Particularly for somebody like Rachel, who had merely saved me in her again pocket for years.
I by no means did have the balls to inform Hannah, however my demeanor had fully modified. I used to be dwelling with guilt and letting it present in my actions. Finally, it led to the top of our relationship.
I sit right here penning this greater than a yr later, now dedicated to avoiding relationships till I can confront no matter demons I’ve in me. Whereas dishonest appears fully illogical and fallacious to me each earlier than I did it, and afterwards, that isn’t proof that I’ll do the fitting factor if the chance presents itself once more. In that second with Rachel, I proved to myself that I used to be egocentric, immature, and had no willpower.
So, I ask: How do I do know after I’ve matured sufficient to respect the particular person I’m with? How do I enhance myself to get thus far? Is it true that when you’re a cheater, you’re one for all times? Be happy to ask for any extra info beneath, I’d actually like to listen to your viewpoints on this case as I’ve by no means had the balls to speak to anybody about it in actual life.
TL/DR – I cheated on my most up-to-date Ex with the one earlier than that and remorse it. What ought to I give attention to by way of enhancing myself and the way will I do know I'm prepared for an additional relationship?
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