Ok first I know a lot of people are going to say he's giving me an ultimatum which means I should break up with him because that's not ok. I normally would agree but it's not like he's giving me a week, he's giving me a year to come to terms with something that has a big impact on our sex lives so I really want to see if I can get some help on this. Here we go.
When we first got together my boyfriend had no problem using condoms and because of my family's medical history it would be risky for me to be on most birth controls so we decided to use those. We've been together two years now and he's brought up wanting to not use them anymore because it feels better to have sex without them, he thinks it kills the mood to have to stop and put it on and says he's never gotten anyone pregnant before. My response was no because 1. just because you haven't gotten anyone pregnant before doesn't mean you can't and 2. I'm not at a point in my life where if I got pregnant I could support a child and he doesn't even know if he wants kids or not yet. He's brought up that me giving him more oral sex could help and I've tried to do that more. (This lead to him asking if it's ok to finish in my mouth and I said it would be ok but to try to let me know when it's about to happen and he said he'd try but sometimes it just happens. This logic is relevant later on.) Despite me being more giving in that department it hasn't helped all that much, he still occasionally bring ups regular PIV sex without condoms.
This all came to a head last week. He asked if he could do it if he promises to pull out and I said no. He asked if he could do it for just a minute and I said no. He asked if he could just put the tip in and I said no. He got really frustrated and asked why he couldn't even just for a second and I told him that he has told me before that when he comes "sometimes it just happens" and I'm not risking getting pregnant for a second of pleasure for him. He told me he'd buy the morning after pill if I needed it and I told him that's not the point, I don't want to put a ton of hormones in my body if I don't have to. He got kind of quiet and then said that he doesn't want to have to wear condoms with his partner in the future and gets that it's a hard decision but he wants to know within a year if I'd be able to give him that.
I'm conflicted because I do want sex to feel as good for him as it can and honestly it would be a lot easier to not have to deal with condoms but I'm just not ok with the idea of sex without them yet and I don't know if I will be in the near future. I don't want to lose him over this but I don't know what I can do. I feel like I'm being too stubborn and if I stand my ground and we break up I this could just happen again as I imagine most guys don't want to have sex with condoms forever.
So I have a few questions that I think would help me think a little clearer about this situation:
1. Men – how much different is sex with/without condoms? Are there any of you out there that would be ok using them long term or am I right that they're expected to eventually not be a part of your sex life?
2. Women – how have you handled a partner asking for unprotected sex before? If you previously weren't ok with it but now are, what changed? And do you think I'm being too paranoid about getting pregnant?
- Anybody – have you found ways to make sex with condoms more pleasurable for the guy?
TLDR; My boyfriend wants to stop using condoms but I'm not sure if I'll be ok with it before he decides he needs more in his sex life. How can I make sex with condoms better for him/how can I learn to be ok with sex without them?
submitted by /u/randobandogrando