When in a moment of activation—for instance when a person does not respond in the way we’d like, criticizes or ignores us, or does not mirror back to us the way we lengthy to be seen—instead of engaging in self-destructive behavior, automatically characterizing their response as clear proof of our unworthiness, and falling down the rabbit hole of shame, blame, and self-attack, we are invited to slow down.
Recognizing that we are caught, we naturally reduce the momentum of self-abandonment as we understand that some old discomfort has been activated and we have a decision to make. We can comply with the thoughts and feelings down the familiar groove of denial, dissociation, or acting out, or we can select a new way, bringing curiosity, presence, and compassion to the charged thoughts and bodily-primarily based feelings.
By engaging these latter pathways, it is then achievable to perceive the activation not as an enemy coming from the outdoors to harm, but as an emissary of new life, ally of which means and depth, and ambassador of neuroplasticity.
And in this reorganization come to see that at instances we pretend there is anything extra than really like that matters. We play hide and seek with the beloved in his or her infinite types, simply because that dance and that play is what spins out the stars and galaxies and oceans and trees. But in the finish we know.
The subsequent book, A Healing Space: Befriending Your self in Tricky Occasions, will be published by Sounds True