Let’s Take Back the Term ‘Female Led’


I attempt to stroll at least four miles per day. It is my time to reflect without having feeling obligated to take action on my objectives. Currently I was walking and considering about my fight to win back the term ‘Female Led’ from the bowels of the BDSM neighborhood.

Yes, I was introduced to the term Female Led when I was initially introduced to the BDSM neighborhood and started studying what I located there. I was intrigued and delighted by what I located, folks genuine adequate to admit to what aroused them sexually whereas every person else in the planet attempted to match into the fake expectations of society.

I started writing about Female Led Relationships, interviewing these who had them, attempting to uncover widespread themes, gaining understanding. Immediately after extra than a year of study I realized that the term Female Led didn’t have something to do with a lady major and had all the things to do with a lady controlling the man and focusing her focus on his have to have to be controlled and paid focus to, normally in abusive techniques.

I will not even start to name all of the abusive acts the guys bragged about obtaining completed to them and the girls admitted to performing to please the guys. I wondered – If this is supposed to be FEMALE LED, why is the concentrate on getting controlling and abusive to the man? What sort of lady would want to lead her companion to type an abusive partnership?

Currently I saw this story in my newsfeed and I cringed. The story specifics how a lady by the name of Jordan Worth abused her boyfriend Alex Steel to the point exactly where medics felt he was days from death. She initially started her abuse by controlling what he wears and violently attacking him (sound familiar?). Jordan has now been sentenced to 7 years in prison for her abuse.

I guess getting exposed to submissive guys created me numb to his discomfort for the reason that I didn’t really feel sadness for him. My quick reaction was- the submissive guys I have encountered would Enjoy a lady like Jordan.

And then I started to cry.

Is this what I have attached my name to?

I have been functioning on removing the stigma from Female Led Relationships for years and nevertheless the term smells like BDSM shit. I can not post videos on YouTube without having them getting flagged even even though I under no circumstances go over sex, violence or BDSM content material. I was banned from Apple Podcasts for the reason that the title of my podcast is Female Led Society even even though I under no circumstances go over violence, hurting any one, sex or something but radical leadership.

The term Female Led is so lovely to me. When I consider of it I think about a lovely Goddess riding a horse, watching more than her folks as they happily go about their every day tasks. However, if you basically google Female Led Connection you will see whips and chains and photographs of men’s private components getting locked in chastity devices for the reason that guys consider Female Led is all about controlling them and paying focus to their have to have to be abused.

Just appear at this account that began following me on Instagram. It is named Loving FLR, immediately after my web site, but I didn’t build this. If I made this it would Under no circumstances have photos or messages that concentrate solely on teasing or arousing guys. It is so clear that a MAN has made this. You guys actually take pleasure in the man’s version of a FLR far better than a true woman’s do not you?!

I really feel disgusted by this. He is lieing! This does NOT empower girls. This requires the concentrate AWAY from girls and points it to the man’s penis! This is degrading to girls. Appear at these photographs. They are all making use of girls to attract guys.

You are permitting Males to feed you these fantasies and then expecting Ladies to provide them! This is not a want for girls!

I have spent so considerably time attempting to differentiate a LOVING FLR from the femdom abusive porn however I nevertheless can not break away for the reason that of folks like this.

A Loving Female Led Connection does not concentrate on controlling guys sexually or teasing guys sexually or restricting guys sexually. It has nothing at all to do with focusing on men’s have to have to be abused at all!

I really feel like—

Have you ever been fortunate adequate to see a lovely bush of roses. Have you ever stood in amazement by how best and sweet it created you really feel just to gaze upon them?

Now think about that an individual came more than, reduce off all of the roses and told you that these have been only beneficial for toilet paper. How would you really feel? The beauty of the roses getting misused by society and wasted.

This is how I really feel when I see the term ‘Female Led’ getting related with sexual handle, BDSM and abuse. You are ruining some thing lovely for the reason that you want to be selfish and be abused.

Ladies are incredible. Ladies are Goddesses. However, when we relegate them to getting tools to harness the sexual appetites of guys we disrespect their beauty and the present of their appreciate.

The guys obsessed with BDSM are ruining a lovely partnership dynamic that could assistance increase our society and I’m functioning my bones off attempting to transform the perception but it appears fruitless. Males want Female Led to imply Female CONTROLLED AND ABUSED. I want Female Led to imply respecting the leadership of girls.

I am attempting to clean the roses off but anonymous jerks like the Instagram account above will not enable me to. Ought to I just enable the BDSM bowels to have the roses and ruin them and go and uncover beauty elsewhere?

But appear at what it could be! We could stand with each other to celebrate girls who are actual LEADERS in society rather of major a man’s erection. There are so numerous girls performing amazing points in the planet however the term Female Led as defined by the BDSM neighborhood only focuses on punishing and restricting guys! We are missing out on aligning ourselves with excellence when we align this term with BDSM.

Appear at Female Led Society on Instagram. Look at the energy and influence we could have on our society if they understood what Female Led actually was and it wasn’t flagged by each and every platform!

This is what I Really feel when I consider of Female Led….

I do not want to consider of a selfish man getting beaten or squirming in his seat for the reason that he is so aroused considering of the chastity device he is wearing.

I want to consider of FEMALE Energy!

For as well lengthy I have observed guys come into the Female Led dynamic attempting to force girls to dominate them to satisfy their selfish demands and I am not going to enable guys to continue to manipulate girls into believing that getting Strong implies CONTROLLING and ABUSING them.

A Female Led Connection does not center about the man.

A Female Led Connection does not center about the man.

A Female Led Connection does not center about the man.

Cease permitting guys to use you for their enjoyment. Cease abusing them at their request. Cease permitting them to serve you and pamper you when you under no circumstances asked for that therapy. Did you request that or was that their concept? If you didn’t ask for that therapy then he is making use of you. Cease getting a tool for their pleasure when they under no circumstances asked you what YOU WANT. You are not right here to please guys.

Under no circumstances handle them sexually. Under no circumstances punish them with abuse. Under no circumstances give in to their demands.

Female Led implies this is what I want and what I want is critical. Female Led implies I will not compromise what I want for what you want for the reason that I do not have to please you. I owe you nothing at all.

Gentlemen. I know all of you are not right here to be abused and I have to have for you to stand up with me and take the term FEMALE LED back! Cease following these pages that depict Female Led as tools for a man’s sexual satisfaction. Cease asking girls to be your dominatrix. If you definitely respect girls, you will want to assistance her realize HER dreams, rather of major her to fulfill yours.

Irrespective of whether any of you agree to assistance or not, I will continue to speak out against the objectification of girls by the submissive guys in the BDSM neighborhood. There is no energy for girls in femdom. Femdom is abuse. Males who demand/crave femdom seek an abusive partnership and that is not empowering to girls at all.

FEMALE LED implies providing her the space to determine what she desires and providing her what she desires for the reason that she knows most effective. Any other way you attempt to define it is exploitative to girls.

We do not deserve that.


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