What is commitment phobia? – Passionsmiths



We type of all know what is meant by commitment phobia. It is the particular person who bolts at the initial sign of committing to a romantic relationship…(or is it?!)

When we could possibly recognise it, commitment phobia is not a technical term as such, it is undoubtedly not a healthcare term. It is not anything, as of however anyway, that is ‘diagnosed’. But it does exist, ‘the struggle for somebody to commit to a lengthy-term monogamous romantic and intimate partnership with yet another person’. It is a term that describes a behaviour in a distinct circumstance, we otherwise do not have a word for. Several folks will agree regardless of whether they have it. And one particular can have it in varying degrees, for instance ‘the phobia’ could possibly not make its look till you stroll down the wedding aisle.


As a dating coach and psychologist, I come across lots of folks who show indicators of commitment phobia.

I see two varieties of folks who struggle with committing to a romantic partnership.

One particular is effortless to spot, they openly acknowledge and inform you they are commitment phobes. And if they do not like to admit it, these are the sorts of behaviours you will see:

  • struggle to preserve to their word when dating (ie cancel dates frequently, arrive late and so on)
  • ghost their dates when factors get as well really serious
  • drop romantic interest in their date the moment their date shows a lot more interest in them
  • cringe when somebody makes use of the “L” word
  • hates public displays of affection
  • really feel discomfort when somebody tries to label the partnership
  • pride themselves of their independence

The other variety of commitment phobes are the ones who do not realise they struggle to have intimate relationships. Several of my customers fall in this category. These are the good friends you have, who often complain they are single, and do not realize why (and to be fair you do not realize why). Standard indicators are:

  • complain they can in no way meet anybody decent
  • preserve receiving ghosted by other people
  • date folks they know are not correct for them
  • date folks who they hope will adjust for the much better, but in no way do
  • struggle to ask the particular person they are dating regardless of whether they are in an exclusive partnership
  • or stubble to ask for exclusivity
  • commit as well a great deal time functioning (or often appear to be ‘too busy’)


The outcome is a lot of lonely and frustrated singles or ‘serial monogamists’. It is not that folks do not want to commit, its a lot more that they somehow can not. Certainly, research show that folks who pride themselves on becoming single and independent, nevertheless at a neurological level crave closeness and intimacy. As a great deal as I’d like to say how to repair this, it is tough to give a generic answer. There are lots of causes why somebody would ‘suffer’ from commitment phobia. But if I have been to give some path, it would be notice your pattern, be truthful with oneself about what is going on, and embrace your fears.


Want to get assist with this? Speak to us for a no cost 10 minute consultation or e-mail [email protected]

Madeleine Mason Roantree,          Dating Psychologist &amp Director of PassionSmiths






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