Faith and Theology: Dastardly Doodlings

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by Kim Fabricius

What’s the greatest way to obtain God? Set out at evening – and go in the opposite path.

Does God speak to me? It is a query that I myself have place to the
Lord. I in no way get an answer. The devil, having said that – he will not STFU.

A word of suggestions: if you think “it’s the believed that counts”, do not get married.

Do not you just appreciate the expression “good behaviour”? A euphemism, of course, for “not-receiving-caught” behaviour.

We know that we will die, but we figure that in my case an exception may possibly be created.

There is a paradox to writing great sentences, namely, that by cutting out the fat, you add to their weight.

Jesus is seated at the correct hand of the Father, but who sits on the left? The Holy Spirit, of course. Even though he does not essentially sit, he perches.

Alternatively: Karl Barth is the Lord’s correct-hand man (even though Rudolf Bultmann tries to grab the seat when Barth goes for a pee).

J. W. Schopf, an American paleobiologist, claims that “for 4-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.” A cultural anthropologist, let alone a Calvinist, would beg to differ: make that 5-fifths.

“You are who you have been.” This truth is universal, but Trump undoubtedly tends to make a specifically alarming and chastening case study.

Hurricanes Harvey and Irma? What hurricanes? It is fake climate fabricated by a conspiracy of meteorological elites.

Till lately, in the course of his morning shave Trump would appear in the mirror and say, “Handsome devil!” Currently, with Robert Mueller and “Sheriff Joe” in thoughts, he says, “Pardon me.”

As for Trump’s court prophets – Falwell, Graham, Carson, et. al – if Trump tends to make my skin crawl, they make my blood boil. Their faith is textbook ideology and their churches – nicely, they’re not churches, they’re movements.

How timely: in The Handmaid’s Tale, Commander Fred Waterford combines in his character the certain misogynies of each Mike Pence and Donald Trump: from the former, that girls are for fertilising from the latter, that girls are for fondling.

It is not surprising that Infant Boomer white American evangelical males appreciate war: old guys sending young guys to kill and die – it expresses, confirms, and globalises their Second Amendment fetishism, their militant androcentrism, and their perverse doctrine of penal substitution.

Did you hear about the evangelical youth club leader who rented a DVD of There Will Be Blood to show to a group of 17-year-olds? She believed it was an educational film about a bride’s wedding evening.

Jesus mentioned, “And I inform you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will construct my church, and the Gates of Hell will not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:26). A prophecy Bill is carrying out his damnedest to falsify.

“No one particular can turn out to be a theologian unless he becomes one particular with no Aristotle.”—John Milbank. Oops, Stanley Hauerwas. Sorry, I imply Eleutherius.

What conservatives do not get is the Bible’s unreliable narration what liberals do not get is the Bible’s indefectible veracity.

So “Researchers are pretty effectively uncovering an ocean of proof to recommend that living in the ‘information ecosystem’ of smartphone, world-wide-web and social media is seriously detrimental to our mental overall health and cognitive capacity” (i, six September). What does that even imply? Researchers – the wankers are constantly out to get you.

BREAKING NEWS: A complete examination of the ancient object lately found close to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem demonstrates that it is not, as some archaeologists have claimed, the spear with which Jesus’ side was pierced (John 19:34): it is, rather, a very first century Roman centurion’s selfie stick.

Speaking at the Labour Celebration Conference, Naomi Klein declaimed, “You know that horrible issue at present clogging up the London sewers. I think they contact it a fatberg [“a congealed lump of fat, sanitary napkins, wet wipes, condoms, and similar items” (Wikipedia)].  Effectively, Trump, he’s the political equivalent of that.” As a result yet another political radical goes soft in middle age.

The far more I pray, the significantly less I know what praying is – particularly (cf. Augustine on time) if you ask me.

Samuel Johnson mentioned that “people want to be reminded far more usually than they want to be instructed”, but these have been the days when people today didn’t endure from the pathologies of historical amnesia and cultural presentism.

Clearly the greatest way to avoid mass shootings at concerts is for each concert-goer to be armed with an automatic weapon. Numerous-thousands of guns in a packed arena or stadium are bound to make it a safer spot, guaranteeing music-lovers an enjoyable, worry-cost-free evening. Certainly for full peace of thoughts – since a massacre may possibly be launched from, say, an upper floor in a hotel across the street – concert-goers ought to take into account renting mortars or bazookas, or even transportable surface-to-air missile launchers lest the killer deploy a drone – all obtainable from on-website kiosks offered by your friendly neighborhood NRA. As President Trump comforted the households and mates of the dead and wounded in Las Vegas, “We are right here for you.”

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