A New Years Thank You Note from The Evangelical Industrial Complicated — Pirate Christian Media

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We would like to take a moment and thank the untold millions of Christians out there for their unwavering and mindless commitment to our Christian celebrities, perky conference speakers and megalomaniac pastors. Thank you so a lot for refusing to take your head out of the Evangelical sand more than the previous year! 

 

Mainly because of you and your unquestioning help, we can continue to invent new catchphrases and slogans every single handful of years in order to sell far more conference tickets, books and assorted merchandise. Our advertising and marketing men and women are functioning tirelessly behind the scenes to invent but an additional lucrative solution disguised as “Christian literature.” But let’s not cease right here, there is nonetheless lots far more we can do.

Functioning collectively, here’s just some of what we can achieve in the New Year:

  • We can continue to crank out motivational speech mediocrity with mega-church appeal with all the theological depth of a 1-day-only, self-assist workshop run by teenage buying mall meals court attendants.

  • We can transform the transcendent and Holy God (who spoke the complete Universe into existence) into your private assistant, life coach and dream interpreter. He does not thoughts at all!

  • We can normalize heterodoxy and heresy, and turn sound doctrine into the exception-not the rule. Don’t forget, we establish orthodoxy your job is to happily go along with us. You are Amazing!

  • We can give lip service to the Bible though continuing to ignore a lot of what it in fact says. Far better but, we can take a half verse and slap it on a coffee mug and it’ll sell!

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