What I Discovered About Faith Though Considering I Had Cancer This Week


What I Learned About Faith While Thinking I Had Cancer This WeekA couple of days ago I felt a rather substantial, firm lump on my physique.

My very first reaction was, “What on Earth is that?”…followed closely by, “Oh my gosh. This could be it.”

Honestly, I began to panic. I know I’m at a greater threat for particular forms of cancer and I imagined the worst.

My medical professional wasn’t in a position to get me in for 5 days. I spent that 5 days consumed by Google research—diagnosing myself, guessing what stage cancer it would be if I had it, and seeking at five-year survival prices for the a variety of stages. Each and every time the youngsters have been occupied, I would rapidly grab my telephone to Google some thing new about the size, shape, and texture of my unwelcome lump.

I ultimately concluded that there was a quite great opportunity it truly wasn’t cancer offered the qualities of the lump. I was nevertheless scared, but the a lot more logical side of me believed it was a lot more most likely than not to be benign. When the morning of my appointment rolled about, I went in with the hope of reassurance.

That didn’t occur.

The medical professional stated he was “pretty” confident it wasn’t cancerous. I asked him if “pretty” confident meant some thing a lot more like 51 % or 90 %, considering he would say 90 %. He replied, “More like 51 %.”

The words hung in the air for what seemed an eternity. This is just as most likely to go either way. 

The medical professional gave me an urgent referral for the a variety of tests necessary to decide what was going on later that day. I went property and had some incredibly dark moments.

Worry consumed me. I prayed with desperate, tear-covered pleas for overall health.

I felt certainly practically nothing back from God.

Just a menacing silence.

And at that moment, the voices of so numerous skeptics filled my head…

Why would God be so hidden at a time like this? Is He actually there?

As an apologist—someone who knows effectively the proof for God’s existence and the truth of Christianity—I knew what I would say to an individual else asking that query. I could speak all about proof and the philosophical causes for divine hiddenness.

But in that moment, I didn’t want any a lot more proof. I didn’t want to make a case to myself for the truth of Christianity. I didn’t want to weigh details to see what was most affordable.

I wanted an knowledge.

I wanted a feeling.

I wanted to be overcome with the presence of God, with a feeling of peace, or with a supernaturally-offered reassurance that I was going to be OK.

None of these factors occurred. And in that darkest of moments, I understood a lot more than ever why knowledge so frequently trumps evidence…for each skeptics and Christians.


When Encounter Trumps Proof for Skeptics

Christian apologist Sean McDowell and the “Friendly Atheist” blogger Hemant Mehta have been not too long ago on the Unbelievable podcast by Justin Brierley. It was a fascinating discussion on what each Christians and atheists get incorrect about the other side. You can watch it right here on YouTube or listen by means of the podcast. I believed Sean was brilliant, and his gracious but pointed comments and queries revealed numerous of the inconsistencies in Mehta’s worldview.

But a single issue stood out to me a lot more than any other. A person asked what it would take to transform every of their minds about what they think. Mehta (and I’m paraphrasing) stated that he’s heard all the sorts of proof that Christians give and there’s actually no proof that could be convincing…outdoors of a individual knowledge.

This was certainly intriguing to me. He had spent a lot of the discussion explaining how he does not think since there’s no proof for God’s existence, but when pressed on what would transform his convictions, he acknowledged that there’s no objective evidence—evidence outdoors himself—that would transform his thoughts. It would have to be a individual knowledge (and he stated he would query even that).

His comment produced me reflect on years of hearing from skeptics by means of my weblog. Even though the cause for unbelief is practically constantly framed as “lack of proof,” the comments generally come sandwiched with a list of experiential difficulties:

I’ve by no means skilled God carrying out something in my life even when I desperately necessary it.

God by no means answered my prayers when I was a Christian.

If God exists, he wouldn’t have let my daughter be born with this disability.

I utilized to be a Christian, but when I was losing faith I cried out to God for a sign and practically nothing occurred.

Truthfully, I’ve constantly mentally responded to such statements with, “but these factors, logically speaking, do not imply God does not exist…we have to appear at the objective proof for the entire image of reality.” And that is correct.

But I can now far better comprehend that knowledge can be so powerfully damaging that we can turn out to be closed to thinking of any proof outdoors of ourselves. We naturally trust our interpretation of our experiences more than our interpretation of factors like the complexity of DNA.


When Encounter Trumps Proof for Christians

Persons who are passionate about apologetics frequently lament the reality that so numerous Christians do not comprehend the want for it in today’s globe. What we hear all the time from church-goers is that they currently think, so they do not want all this “evidence stuff.”

As an individual who writes and speaks often about all the critical causes why we desperately want this “evidence stuff” to be recognized in the church currently, that is incredibly frustrating. And it can be even a lot more frustrating when Christians say they do not want it since they have experiences rather:

They’ve felt God’s presence, so they know He’s there.

They see God in their spouse and youngsters.

They know God is there from that nevertheless, little voice inside.

They see God in the beauty of the mountains.

Why do I say frustrating? Let me place on my apologist hat: since experiences are subjective. In a globe that is increasingly hostile to the notion that Christianity is correct, Christians want to be in a position to point to some thing outdoors of themselves as proof for their beliefs. If your kid says they do not really feel God, and you say you do, how valuable can your individual knowledge be to them? But when you can point to the objective proof for God’s existence in the globe about them, the historical proof for the resurrection, and the proof for the reliability of the Bible, you are in a position to ground their faith in some thing you can mutually access.

On the other hand, just as powerfully damaging experiences can trump proof for atheists, powerfully good experiences can trump proof for Christians. What they’ve skilled has felt so particular that the worth of outdoors proof appears to pale in comparison.


What, Then, Is the Worth of Objective Proof for Any person?

Via this short ordeal, I’ve understood a lot more than ever that practically absolutely everyone trusts, by default, their experiences a lot more than objective proof. And frankly, it is knowledge that we desperately want. Fine-tuning arguments schmarguments. We would all rather take a potent feeling of God’s presence any day.

What, then, is the worth of apologetics?

A lot. But I’ll stick with 3 points.

1. For these who have had powerfully damaging experiences, apologetics remains a way to examine our subjective experiences to the objective proof for the truth about reality…when we’re not grieving. Apologetics may possibly be of incredibly small use for most persons in desperate occasions, but that does not negate the longer term want. When we teach our youngsters to make a faith primarily based on proof, it does not imply that when complicated occasions come they will necessarily resort to a basic response of, “No matter how I really feel even though pondering if I have cancer, I know Christianity is correct!” I surely didn’t. But it does imply that more than the longer term they will have the tools necessary to assess their individual experiences in light of objective proof. In the end, self-confidence in the truth of Christianity—grounded in great evidence—gives persons effectively-justified eternal hope that brings point of view to our (frequently tragic) damaging experiences.

two. Similarly, for these who have had powerfully good experiences, apologetics offers a necessary verify against reality. Getting hope devoid of great cause is delusion. We shouldn’t be content material to assume God is there only since we had a potent feeling even though the praise band played. It is also protected to assume that no a single will reside an complete life of potent good experiences—every Christian goes by means of occasions when God appears far. When potent good experiences turn out to be a lot more distant, it is quick to doubt their validity. Mastering apologetics assists preserve us grounded when the experiential highs put on off.

three. For these who haven’t had especially potent good experiences, apologetics offers conviction rather of a feeling that the lack of an knowledge signifies a lack of God’s existence. When I was a teenager, I went to a youth conference exactly where the speaker stirred up a lot of feelings and numerous youngsters in the space have been crying. I wasn’t. My youth leader pulled me aside and stated, “Natasha, I noticed you are not as emotional as the other people right here. Are you certain you are close to God?” I’ll by no means neglect that assumption that closeness to God equals a extremely emotional knowledge. If that is the expectation, and you do not knowledge God as you would like, you can rapidly assume He just may well not be there. When we teach our youngsters the objective proof for the truth of Christianity, even so, they acquire conviction of their beliefs and understand faith is not about waiting for a particular knowledge to occur.


I ultimately got in for all the testing to decide what the lump was all about. It was the longest couple of hours of my life but ended with the very best doable news: it was practically nothing but a prevalent benign cyst that essential no additional testing or procedures. I was cost-free to stroll out.

I got to my car or truck and cried tears of relief.

And now right here I am, back to life as normal…but I want to acknowledge that there are numerous who do not get this great news. I have quite a few buddies with cancer appropriate now. They are living with the day-to-day uncertainties that consume your every single waking second. I practically didn’t create this post since it appears also quick to create when you are no longer in the circumstance. I hope it will be taken in the spirit in which it was intended, even so: a basic reflection on some thing I discovered in the course of a (reasonably) couple of moments of desperation.


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