Q&A with Rain DeGrey ⋆ Rain DeGrey


Dirty Talk Advice Column

The Dirty Speak Assistance Column just celebrated its two year anniversary! To mark the occasion I have decided to attempt one thing a tiny various. To date, all of the Dirty Speak guidance columns have been loosely primarily based about certain themes. When readers submit queries or I obtain them from classes I teach, I sort them into widespread subjects. When I have adequate queries to match a common theme, I structure a column about it.

Along the way I have also received private queries about me. I typically set these queries aside but they have began to stack up. I have lastly decided to attempt a slightly various version of the Dirty Speak Assistance Column. Today’s column will be answering queries directed at me personally. Let’s get began, shall we?

“Have you ever had second thoughts about distinct videos you have accomplished?”

Do I have second thoughts? Yes and no. I have loved every single single video I have ever accomplished. Anything I have accomplished has been with my complete consent and have by no means felt that my security was jeopardized.

When I initial began modeling, I created a private vow by no means to do a shoot that I was not prepared to do for cost-free. Did this vow expense me cash? Most definitely. But I was not prepared to do a shoot just for the cash. I did not want to grit my teeth and get by way of one thing just for a paycheck. It had to be one thing that I was personally interested in and wanted to attempt.

The bulk of my film operate has been BDSM and fetish primarily based, and a lot of it has featured me having worked more than in a relatively rough manner. Simply because of this, I am conscious that there are in all probability some folks watching my operate that do not like ladies and get pleasure from seeing them endure. I have normally suffered with this realization and this is the a single regret I have about my operate.

When it has left my hands viewers can have a pretty various partnership with the material I have made. It saddens me to feel that there are folks watching my footage mainly because they do not have a healthful partnership with ladies and want to see them in discomfort. Regrettably, there is not considerably I can do with the content material when it has been released. There is no safeguard out there to make sure that folks are watching my operate with a healthful mindset. All I can hope is that if an individual is inclined to hurt ladies, perhaps watching footage of me is adequate of a pacifier that they will not engage in this behavior with unconsenting folks.

“Is it even doable to watch pornography without the need of exploiting an individual in the course of action?”

Trapped Under Water

Is it doable? Most definitely! As lengthy as you are watching porn that you have paid for and have not stolen or pirated.

Individuals that pick to do porn pick to do it for a multitude of factors. Regardless of their person factors, the actors and actresses that you see performing are there mainly because they want to be.

You can not just accidentally stumble onto a porn set. There are basically a lot of measures prior to you get in front of the camera. Types have to be filled out, consent checklists and limits have to be gone more than, then there are intake interviews and exit interviews.

I, personally, have by no means felt exploited on set. In fact pretty the opposite. I normally discovered performing to be pretty empowering.

“What about the porn actresses who finish up dying from drugs? Is that mainly because they’ve broken themselves from carrying out porn?”

Although I do not have information or research to back it up, and I do not know the precise numbers, I do not feel that porn actresses are dying from drugs at a greater price than any other percentage of the population. It just tends to make a a lot more thrilling headline.

Ordinary particular person ODs? Who’s going to study a headline like that? Porn actress ODs? That is wonderful clickbait. I’ve lost a lot more than a couple of acquaintances to ODs or death by misadventure more than the years but they by no means created the headlines. The porn angle is what tends to make the OD a lot more intriguing to folks.

America is in the grips of an opiate crisis. Individuals are OD’ing all more than the spot. It truly is a public emergency. Porn has nothing at all to do with it. I’ve by no means been on a set exactly where an individual was permitted to shoot whilst higher or drunk and I have definitely heard of folks becoming sent residence if they showed up intoxicated.

In my encounter, the performers I knew didn’t use drugs and alcohol at a greater percentage than non-sector folks. Perhaps I hung out with the straight edge porn crowd. Possibly there is a seething underbelly of heavily intoxicated druggies that I just didn’t know about, but my gut tells me otherwise. Did some folks drink or get higher? Confident. But so did my close friends that had been not in the sector. I do not feel that folks that have a propensity for drug abuse would be a lot more most likely to seek out a profession in pornography.

I do not think that performing in porn was the catalyst that created any one involved in the sector OD. There are a quantity of physical, mental, and psychological factors why folks turn to drugs. Even if they had been not in the sector they nevertheless would have overdosed. And no one outdoors their close friends and household would ever hear about it.

“Even even though you have worked for organizations exactly where the concentrate is on consent, and I would presume that the speak by way of at the finish is to show that the model wasn’t harmed, I wonder irrespective of whether this basically suggests something to the viewer?”

Me and Violet Monroe

I would hope that it does! Consent is critical for what we do. The massive concentrate on consent and the intake and exit interviews had been normally pretty vital to me. These interviews enable the viewer to see previous the fantasy and recognize that there was a true particular person performing these stunts for their viewing pleasure.

I have a lot of a lot of factors for disliking pirate web sites and the removing of these consent establishing interviews is just a single of them. It is on pirate web sites complete of stolen porn that these interviews are most most likely to be missing from the shoot. The establishing and setup of consent is stripped away and viewers just see the action. I think that this just leads to a disconnect from the intended message behind the shoot.

When the interviews are incorporated in the shoot, I do not know how a lot of folks quick-forward by way of them to get to the “good part”. Even so, I know that they definitely effect some folks. I know this mainly because folks have reached out and told me so. I have had a lot of folks inform me how considerably the starting and exiting interviews imply to them.

“You refer to your self as a slut, but do you imply it? Is not it just an unpleasant label for a lady who loves to have sex?”

I do not discover the word triggering, at least not in the way that I use it. Considerably like how other “unpleasant” words have been reclaimed by groups that have had such words made use of negatively against them, by reclaiming the word I take the energy out of it. When I contact myself a slut, what I imply is that I am a lady empowered with her sexuality who is pansexual and polyamorous and does not really feel beholden to societal norms. I have by no means been monogamous, it is just not how I am wired.

Words have as considerably energy more than you as you consent to let them have. There is no way that I can be offended by becoming named a slut. If I had a various partnership with the word, I could possibly discover it triggering. As it is, I just discover it amusing.

“Why do you like bondage so considerably?”

Shoot with The Silence

Although I am relatively properly identified for my bondage operate, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I “like it so considerably.” I like it for the challenge it delivers. Bondage is not a a single-size-fits-all scenario, and the factors why folks practice bondage are as varied as the folks that do it. I get pleasure from exploring my limitations and seeing precisely what my physique can do.

Just becoming bound does not do considerably for me. I want the bondage to be difficult or exceptional in some way or I get bored. I have in all probability logged a lot more hours bound than the typical kinkster and I have been rigged by some of the greatest bondage artists in the globe. The irony is, I doubt I have appreciated it as considerably as a hardcore bondage fetishist would. I want strain and sensation added to the scenario for it to be memorable.

For some folks, the very simple act of becoming bound puts them in an altered headspace. I’ve observed it numerous occasions. Their eyes glaze more than. Their faces unwind. Some basically make tiny contented humming noises or even drool slightly. I can not say I have ever reacted that way to becoming bound but it is definitely heartwarming to see folks respond like that to rope.

“I have normally wanted to get into modeling and porn. How would I get into the sector? I have no thought exactly where to start”

This is basically a single of the most widespread queries that I get asked. I have answered it so a lot of occasions and there are so a lot of folks asking that I ended up writing a separate short article on this topic which I have expanded into an ebook!  The ebook really should be released quickly, remain tuned. It answers this query in wonderful detail.


Thank you all for joining me with my initial Q&ampA column! I hope that you all enjoyed it. If it is properly received and I continue to obtain a lot more private queries I will do a further a single at some future date.

Retain it Kinky My Mates,

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