What is commitment phobia? – Passionsmiths



We type of all know what is meant by commitment phobia. It is the individual who bolts at the very first sign of committing to a romantic relationship…(or is it?!)

Whilst we could recognise it, commitment phobia is not a technical term as such, it is undoubtedly not a healthcare term. It is not some thing, as of however anyway, that is ‘diagnosed’. But it does exist, ‘the struggle for somebody to commit to a extended-term monogamous romantic and intimate partnership with a further person’. It is a term that describes a behaviour in a distinct circumstance, we otherwise do not have a word for. A lot of persons will agree irrespective of whether they have it. And one particular can have it in varying degrees, for instance ‘the phobia’ could not make its look till you stroll down the wedding aisle.


As a dating coach and psychologist, I come across numerous persons who show indicators of commitment phobia.

I see two sorts of persons who struggle with committing to a romantic partnership.

A single is quick to spot, they openly acknowledge and inform you they are commitment phobes. And if they do not like to admit it, these are the sorts of behaviours you will see:

  • struggle to hold to their word when dating (ie cancel dates normally, arrive late and so forth)
  • ghost their dates when items get as well severe
  • shed romantic interest in their date the moment their date shows extra interest in them
  • cringe when somebody makes use of the “L” word
  • hates public displays of affection
  • really feel discomfort when somebody tries to label the partnership
  • pride themselves of their independence

The other sort of commitment phobes are the ones who do not realise they struggle to have intimate relationships. A lot of of my consumers fall in this category. These are the pals you have, who usually complain they are single, and do not fully grasp why (and to be fair you do not fully grasp why). Standard indicators are:

  • complain they can under no circumstances meet any individual decent
  • hold obtaining ghosted by other people
  • date persons they know are not suitable for them
  • date persons who they hope will modify for the greater, but under no circumstances do
  • struggle to ask the individual they are dating irrespective of whether they are in an exclusive partnership
  • or stubble to ask for exclusivity
  • commit as well substantially time operating (or usually look to be ‘too busy’)


The outcome is a lot of lonely and frustrated singles or ‘serial monogamists’. It is not that persons do not want to commit, its extra that they somehow can not. Certainly, research show that persons who pride themselves on getting single and independent, nevertheless at a neurological level crave closeness and intimacy. As substantially as I’d like to say how to repair this, it is tricky to give a generic answer. There are numerous factors why somebody would ‘suffer’ from commitment phobia. But if I have been to give some path, it would be notice your pattern, be sincere with oneself about what is going on, and embrace your fears.


Want to get support with this? Get in touch with us for a no cost 10 minute consultation or e-mail [email protected]

Madeleine Mason Roantree,          Dating Psychologist &amp Director of PassionSmiths






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