Ask Lisa: My Boyfriend Gets Aggressive When Drunk


I have been in a connection for pretty much eight months. The connection has been superior when we&#8217re collectively but he has generally had trust difficulties with me anytime I&#8217m seeing my pals or if I&#8217m going out. Somehow I&#8217ve just sort of accepted it and I&#8217ve lost a lot of pals. When we had been out collectively the other evening we got into an argument and he was pretty drunk. I mentioned some thing to a pal of mine, a guy. My boyfriend then took a really hard grip about my arm and began questioning me about this guy. I mentioned he was a pals but he didn&#8217t think me. He then place his arms about me as if he was going to hug me, but rather he squeezed definitely really hard and it hurt. I got definitely scared and began crying and screamed at him to let me go.

Just after about 10 minutes some girl whom I don&#8217t know stepped in and pulled me away from him. He felt definitely terrible about it when we spoke the day right after and I accepted his apology. Nevertheless later that day we had been fooling about when he all of a sudden raised his voice. I felt definitely scared. I haven&#8217t observed him for a couple of days now and I am pretty much scared to see him. His dad applied to beat him when he was tiny and perhaps that is why he reacted that way.

I don&#8217t know what to do for the reason that I nonetheless really like him but at the exact same time I really feel scared of him. I don&#8217t definitely want to speak to anyone about it for the reason that I don&#8217t want individuals to appear terrible at him.

Lisa&#8217s thoughts&#8230

Your boyfriend&#8217s behavior is unacceptable and possibly harmful.  And I&#8217m concerned that although you are conscious of the red flags, you nonetheless seek to safeguard him from other&#8217s damaging perceptions.  What ever the cause is for his behavior (and getting abused by his father is possibly aspect of the story) you want to take this seriously and spend focus to the red flags.  What if he would have completed that and no 1 was about?  His reaction was intense and could possibly have been worse.  The bottom line is this is a potentially harmful predicament, these points have a tendency to escalate more than time.

Attempt letting him know how you have felt when he&#8217s acted in these approaches.  Tell him that you are scared and concerned for him that his anger gets so out of manage &#8211 and set firm boundaries by telling him it&#8217s not okay.  Perhaps he is conscious of a challenge and is prepared to get counseling, which would be excellent.  But I&#8217m also concerned about your selection to safeguard him when he&#8217s behaved this way, rather than inform pals and loved ones what&#8217s definitely taking place.  You are on the road to isolation which is an element of a energy-manage dynamic&#8230and in your case, abusive connection.

If he&#8217s not in a position to take duty for his behavior in words and actions, the duty of taking care of oneself falls on you.  Please verify out the National Domestic Violence Hotline exactly where you can study extra about abuse and get assistance if you want it.


Have to have assistance?  Take into consideration Lisa&#8217s newest service, e-mail, telephone or video Relationship Consultations.


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